My partner of 22 years passed away totally unexpected this morning. She fell yesterday morning and was OK. She had a softer fall this morning and was OK at first. We tried to get her up but it she didn't have enough energy so was just sitting up on the floor. Then she fell over and I put a pillow under her head. She was talking to me and all of a sudden she wasn't responsive. After about a minute of trying to get a response I called 911. They told me to do chest compressions which I did for about 8-10 minutes until the ambulance arrived. They tried for about 30 minutes but she was already gone. They said I did everything I could but I feel like I should have done more. She had surgery to remove skin after losing weight on June 17. She had drains in she hoped to have removed this week. She was so excited to have a flat stomach again! I called her my secret weapon because she was so kind to everyone and helped anyone she could. She looked after me when I had cancer and came to see me everyday for months. I tried really hard to look after her the same way and I couldn't save her. I know she's looking over me. She was always my angel. She was only 65.
Condolences Dave. Tough row to hoe d.d.
Sorry for your loss, loosing a loved one suddenly is a terrible thing. Don't go to far down the could of should of road, it can be soul destroying ,just stick to the facts as much as possible My wife passed away in late April after a long illness ending with a planned death. The void she has left is emence and for me keeping busy helps my head no end. Take care Dave.
Sorry Dave stay positive remember the good times. RIP
I'm sorry for your loss, Dave. The suddenness makes it hard. I've been there. Be kind to yourself and stay busy.
Terrible thing Dave, sorry to hear that.
So sorry Dave. Prayers for strength and peace and consoling
Thank you all for the kind words! They are very appreciated!
Sorry for your loss Dave. Life is so short. Death has a way of helping us think about the things that really matter. I have not lost a companion yet, but have lost a baby son. Death is not the end. We can have a great hope to look forward to. May peace and comfort be yours in the mist of the storm.
I'm sorry for your loss Dave. I wish you courage and strength going forward.
Dave, knowing you--we know you did all you could, always tough and sad to lose the one closest.
Sorry to hear Dave. May peace be with you.
She's the last person I thought something like this could happen to.
I never know what to say, but it’s a little dusty in here. Sorry Dave.
Sorry for your loss.
Also so sorry for your loss.
Dave- My sympathies to you and her family.
I'm sorry for your loss, Dave. Take care of yourself.
You did absolutely everything right. Doesn’t make this any less tragic. With such a wonderful partnership, she’ll forever be a part of your life. Thanks for sharing such difficult news.
Real sorry to hear this Dave. You did everything you could. Take care of yourself.
What more can I say but sorry for your loss!
Dave, so sorry to hear about your loss. My sincere condolences .
Sorry for your loss, that's terrible. At least you were there for her and she wasn't alone.
I am sorry, take care of yourself.
Morning bud
Very sad to hear this Dave....Take care.
Sorry Dave, thinking about you. Peter.
Very sorry to hear this Dave! My condolences. Prayers are with you! :Mike
Very sorry to hear this Dave. I am sure you did all you could. It takes time, but remember all the best stuff.
Sorry to hear Dave.
Damn this is hard!
Dave, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Try to keep yourself occupied. Don't overlook counseling and getting some meds if needed, it helps. We are all here for you brother.
Try to take one day at a time, remember the good times and you did your best to try to save her. There is no time limit to grieve, and time and unforseen occurences happen to good people as well. Stay busy and reach out if your feeling like you need to hear something encouraging. Am certain it feels like a hole in the middle of yor chest, but it will slowly subside with time. Will be thinking about you. Simon C
This is sad to hear, sorry for your loss Dave.
So sorry to hear of your loss Dave I lost my partner of over 30 years just over two years ago. She was my partner in every aspect of my life and after 3 years fighting cancer she left this life. It was the hardest life experience I’ve ever had and I still miss her dearly. In an effort to fill the void in my life I did seek out the company of friends and after some research, online dating. I have met some nice women and am currently exploring life with one now. It’s not like the love I had but it’s quite nice and certainly gives purpose to my life. I think it’s important to keep moving forward in whatever way works for you. Otherwise depression can start to take over your life. Follow the interests that keep your mind engaged and a bit distracted from your loss and keep in touch with your friends and family. It’s lovely to hear heartfelt comments on this forum, you’re obviously a much loved person on here. So look after yourself and stay connected with us on HEF.
I feel like I have a lot of friends here and that really helps. My first priority is to take care of the stray kitty we took in. He kept showing up on our porch and we fed him. We figure he chose us. He's very cuddly. Debi loved all animals!
Wow! I'm so sorry to hear this.
Kind of long post. I probably got some spelling wrong. The ME called today and informed me that she had coronary artery disease which I didn't know. I knew it was hard to get blood samples from her. She had a deep vein thrombosus that can be common after surgery but that isn't what took her life. Her veins were 60-80% blocked and she developed a pulmonary endima (blood clot) in her left leg that wasn't tested with ultrasound on Sat. Only her right leg that had turned red on Friday but cleared up was given an ultrasound. The pulmonary endima basically blocked both beings to her lungs which put her heart in distress. The fall may have contributed but there wasn't much I could have done differently. Her sister summed it up like she was a ticking time bomb and it could have happened at any time. In a way I'm glad it happened at home and not later when she was back driving or out and about. Just really tragic! I'm so grateful to her sister's helping with everything. There's a ton of things to do when someone dies. She didn't want a religious funeral. She wanted to be cremated and have a big party in her honour. We're thinking we should have a celebration of life on her birthday Sep. 16. Also looking at getting a bench with her name on or even a plaque to put up at her work. She worked her entire career in Healthcare and many years at an extended care facility. She was the administrative assistant for several years before going to a little less hours. She didn't have an official job description. She was able to do just about anything when needed. Before that she worked a Veterans center as the front receptionist for many years. She was the kindest most gentle person on the planet and I don't think anyone would have a bad word to say about her. Everybody loved her. She is dearly missed. Thanks for all the condolences. They are greatly appreciated.
Very sad, and sorry for your loss.
Not much consolation; her life ended suddenly. My greatest fear is a lingering death. Alzheimers, Parkinsons, Stroke, anything where a person loses all dignity, deteriorates slowly over a number of years. No one mourns these people, survivors feel relief. You have happy memories, they aren't overly contaminated by years of unhappiness. I know you had your own painful time, she was there for you, this is a happy memory. Hang on tight to happy memories! They get you through the days ahead.
I got it slightly wrong. The deep veign thrombosis is blood clot that basically stays in the leg but part of it can break off and lead to the heart and after the heart causes a pulmonary endima that blocks blood flow to the heart. The fall may or may not have caused it. It could have happened at any time. If they could have saved her after a fairly long time, then there's a good chance of brain damage from lack of oxygen. She wouldn't have wanted to live like that. Her sisters helping me is a great help and everything is easier because Debi was very organized. We found 98% of all the information we need. We're pretty sure the bank can help with one card we couldn't find.
The mention of Parkinson's does hit close to home for me as that is what they say I have. I won't go into any more here as Dave's wife is the story here, I feel for what he is dealing with loosing her at what I feel is a early age.
At least Debi didn't suffer. If they revived her after an extended period she would have likely had brain damage and wouldn't want to live like that. For lack of a better word it is good it happened when she was at home as opposed to driving or out and about. I may have said this before. We had talked in the past about how we'd like to go out (illness wise) and the consensus was better to lose your mind than lose your ability to communicate or lack mobility. That way you don't really know if anything is wrong. I had a friend pass away due to ALS and that would be the absolute worst to live with. You're aware of everything going on and can't communicate and have limited mobility. Parkinson's would be difficult too. Michael J Fox was born in my home town, Edmonton and I think his foundation has raised the highest amount of funds for research as well as making the population more aware of the disease.
I just realized it was a pulmonary embelism not an endima. Medical terms are difficult to remember.
Hi Dave, just seen your posts here and wanted to check in with you, really tough. Stick in there bud.
Dave, sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing bits of her life with us.
Very sorry for your loss.
Thanks for kind messages. My priority is looking after the kitty cat we took in. Actually we figured he chose us. He's very affectionate for a stray cat and I think/know he misses Debi. I'm not sure how I should feel. Took the weekend off. Didn't have much time to grieve right after it happened because of all the funeral arrangements, banking, bill payments and other stuff to do after someone passes. It's a lot! Still hard to wrap my head around it. She just had a Dr. check for blood clots on Sat. but he never checked the other leg because there were no symptoms. That leg is where she had the deep vein thrombosis that likely some broke off causing the pulmary embolism/blood clot that took her life. Damn, was right there. Did some reading and she could have had a smaller PE for a a couple days that might have caused the nausea and lightheadedness as well as her falling twice. She was such a good person and gone from this earth way too soon! Her spirit will always be there, so there's some comfort in that.
Fighting back tears mate.
Not sure if you believe in an after life or what ever you may think in that area of beliefs but if their is something of that kind I'm sure she is putting in a good word for you!
Sorry to read of this Dave. Hang in there.
I think she would like to come back as animal like an owl and keep a lookout over everyone and all her babies/animals. Dogs, cats, horses, deers, bears, buffalo's, etc. She loved them all.
I'm sorry Dave. I'd like to say the words to take away the pain, but they really don't exist. Death is something we all have to come to terms with at some point, either a loved one or our own. Scriptures refer to it as an "enemy". I have to agree, but it's a common end for us all. A battle we cannot win. At least you were there for her as long as you possibly could, and for that, I believe she would thank you. It sounds like she would do the same for you had the positions been reversed. That's a good friend. Take heart, you did your best.
My condolences. Death is the part of the "Life deal" that sucks. In my opinion, it is better to die in a loved one's arms than to die alone in an institutional bed, no matter how hard it hits. It has to happen, sometime, somewhere, somehow. Stay busy and focused to get through the agony and learn to live with the pain. The cat will also be a big help in this.
Uhg... I don't normally see this section of the forum but I saw your note in another thread... I'm so sorry Dave! Take care and keep that little cat handy! Really sad to hear it.
Thanks everyone for the comments. They are much appreciated! I think having the kitty around helps. He misses her too.
Just saw this; sorry for your loss man . . .
Condolences from UK sir.
Sorry for your loss